duh

•September 14, 2012 • Leave a Comment

When my former boss relieved me of my thirteen year career of trying to keep him happy, he said to me, “Why don’t you go find something creative to do? You have always been good at that.” At the time, I thought it was a good idea… I mean, there’s nothing creative about selling cameras, for sure. Standing around trying to determine how to sell so-so recycled Malaysian tin products to customers that have no clue about taking pictures and no desire to learn. Choosing words carefully as to not lie about the quality of that pretty neon orange trinket without sounding like a pre-programmed kiosk drone so that I could eek out a five dollar sales promotion incentive fund (SPIF) and not feel sleazy about it.

Over the last eight months or so I’ve come to the realization of what a ridiculous statement that was to say to me, or anyone looking at the reality that they must start all over. Do people really believe the normal citizen has the ability to choose his or her career? [Johnny can draw really good. He should get a job making pictures]

Show of hands here; How many of you Sanitary Engineers aspired to clean up after the rest of us for the rest of your life? How many of you inherited your mop bucket? How many of you went to art school?

The crux of this biscuit is, If I had had any choice about what I would have done with my life, I am pretty sure I would not have wasted my time selling retail for someone else, using my creative talents to make sure he and his family were comfortable and ultimately trickle down enough income to feed my family.

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•January 24, 2012 • Leave a Comment

All's Well

Dad??

•July 18, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Are we there, yet?
When will this stupid ride end?
When do we stop fixing flat tires and putting out fires?
I’m tired, are you?

Today

•December 9, 2010 • Leave a Comment

On my way home from work I was seriously looking for big strong trees… and ways to disable the airbag.

SLife Anew

•September 21, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I have a friend
She is the coolest
Always haz been
She makes me feel important and, at the same time, keeps me on my toes. She’s not easily impressed and not quick to gush… Just what I need and desire… Someone that will say, “Nice, but…” and maybe, “Nice butt” once in awhile, too. Someone that looks up to me while I’m looking up to her. I’m very lucky 🙂

The Boxxe

•June 3, 2010 • Leave a Comment

I know nobody reads this stuff. That’s why I like posting here. Kind of like Robert Munroe’s relaxation excersize where you put all your troubles into a mental chest and then envision it floating off into space, so you, for the moment, can forget about them and the anxiety they create. In this case I have built a single prim. A square, unassuming block that, if I wanted, could store my entire 20,000 item Second Life inventory. I may decorate it… I may not. Doesn’t matter… I have the perfect hiding place for it. “Hiding place?” you ask, “We thought this was a float off in space dealie.” Well, it is, but these “anxieties” are special to me and I need to know where they are even if I don’t, at the moment, want to deal with them. So, hiding them, in plain sight but, in a place I only go by mistake, where anyone could stubble upon them, my vast collection of treasures, would amount to the same thing. Here, I would store all my lovely snapshots, all my SL memories, all my paintings, all the wonderful gifts people have given me over the years… my poop gun, my strap-on guitar, all the evil weapons Treminari gave me, my fabulous collection of ColeMarie partical emitters, all my hopes and dreams… and my beating heart.

Many people believe that when starting anew or, ending an old, you should just scrap everything, a clean canvas, vacuum those cobwebs…

Not me.

Someone important in my slife made those cobwebs or I would have deleted them a long time ago. Everything that anyone has ever said to me, or done for me, shapes my avatar, my corporal pressence, by muscle or scar. It’s a beautiful creation, a mass of pixels, an everchanging portrait, and to just… stop, would be criminal. To delete, unthinkable. Like putting your whole life in a golden chest and then setting it on fire… cremation.

Partnering Reprise (8 Hours Ago)

•April 13, 2010 • Leave a Comment

This morning I lied to my partner. Well, actually, “kept” something from her, something that she would have been very upset about. I bottled it up and hid it in my drawer. So, basically, yes, a bold-face lie. Because when you trust someone you don’t hide things from them. Even if it’s bad. Then, in a total lack of consciousness, I pulled it out and handed it to her. Of course, that led to more lies, trying to cover my ass…

I hate myself and Second Life right now. Not because I got caught but because it made me realise that I AM a liar and a cheater and a secret-keeper, things that SL makes very easy to be. But worse than that, my partner and I are NOT pixels. We are trusting, feeling, human beings and I could feel her distrust and disappointment right through the screen. She was very magnanimous… more so then I expected. I’m not sure what I would have done in the reverse situation. She stayed right there, expressed her disillusionment and her displeasure, and even though I knew she wanted to whap me severely, she wanted to continue to play, “Because we are friends” (sigh) Kind of like my mom, who never spanked me when I was bad but gave me that “look” that said she was utterly disappointed in me and then let me stew in my own evil juices. That’s my definition of Hell.

The phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” comes to mind.

If I survive this I’m going to be a freaking bull.

If

She is a wonderful woman and I feel truly blessed that she shares her time with me. I can’t say I will never wrong her again. I wish I could. History tells a different tale. Humans are wanton and weak and susceptible to temptations…. and those are the GOOD humans.