Partnering Reprise (8 Hours Ago)
This morning I lied to my partner. Well, actually, “kept” something from her, something that she would have been very upset about. I bottled it up and hid it in my drawer. So, basically, yes, a bold-face lie. Because when you trust someone you don’t hide things from them. Even if it’s bad. Then, in a total lack of consciousness, I pulled it out and handed it to her. Of course, that led to more lies, trying to cover my ass…
I hate myself and Second Life right now. Not because I got caught but because it made me realise that I AM a liar and a cheater and a secret-keeper, things that SL makes very easy to be. But worse than that, my partner and I are NOT pixels. We are trusting, feeling, human beings and I could feel her distrust and disappointment right through the screen. She was very magnanimous… more so then I expected. I’m not sure what I would have done in the reverse situation. She stayed right there, expressed her disillusionment and her displeasure, and even though I knew she wanted to whap me severely, she wanted to continue to play, “Because we are friends” (sigh) Kind of like my mom, who never spanked me when I was bad but gave me that “look” that said she was utterly disappointed in me and then let me stew in my own evil juices. That’s my definition of Hell.
The phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” comes to mind.
If I survive this I’m going to be a freaking bull.
If
She is a wonderful woman and I feel truly blessed that she shares her time with me. I can’t say I will never wrong her again. I wish I could. History tells a different tale. Humans are wanton and weak and susceptible to temptations…. and those are the GOOD humans.
